This is a song I added to my playlist while working as a mechanic. I had lost sight of who I was. My feelings about my self worth were low. I felt this song was reminding me of a few things.
#1 My value is not in what I produce or how I contribute to society. These are good markers to keep myself on track as a productive contributor but they are not the sole measure of my value.
#2 I needed to look backwards for a time and find gratitude for my life again. I had to see that I was blessed and the pain and troubles I was cursing actually gave me a unique advantage that others didn't have.
Gratitude became a practice for me as I took night classes in in Reiki and massage and heard about how the Japanese teach it.
I would walk into work and choose 5 things to focus on so I could get into flow.
Kyo dakewa – (Just for today)
#1 Ikaru na (Do not be angry)
#2 Shinpai suna (Do not worry)
#3 Kansha shite (Be grateful)
#4 Gyo o hagame – (Do your duties)
#5 Hito ni shinsetsu ni – (Be kind to others)
These are the 5 Gokai in Reiki. While studying these "Five Reiki Principles" as they are called. I noticed the word Gokai is translated as "misunderstandings".
This is interesting as the 5 points all can be areas of misunderstanding. If you tell someone they shouldn't be angry then you re bypassing real feelings. If you tell someone not to worry, you are telling them to ignore problems that are important to them, if you tell someone to do their duties you could be preventing them from contributing a major gift to the world. But here is what became apparent, my life had been full of these excuses and distractions. My ability to focus and get what I wanted out of life was hindered because I was being led by my emotions around these topics. I was angry that I wasn't given the approval and admiration I wanted for my good ideas that solved the problems of other people. I was not able to do my duties fully because I was distracted by the duties I wanted to complete for others. I was not kind to others because I was not being kind to myself.
Through the journey of massage school, I found myself taking time to breathe. Slowing down and caring for myself let me have time to process and get out of reactionary response to my overwhelm and start to make a plan.
In a way I was given a gift of vision to see myself as I truly am. To let down my guard and just be human for a moment. To step back and take in my world rather than being tossed about by it. It reminded me of what James 1:5 in the bible says about having faith and believing. For once my faith grew deeper than the people, I had put my trust in to tell me I was ok. I knew from within I was going to be ok.
This is seeing yourself clearly, knowing who you are, and knowing who you belong to.